"I of my own knowledge…"

[Still Tuesday, December 20, 2005]

1:20 p.m. Having transcribed and sent. A friend says if I have a middle initial it will make things easier. “Thaddeus” immediately pops up before I can fairly ask the question. I see there was a Joseph T. – in the 7th battery, Indiana Light Artillery – one of three initials that appear for that battery. But you have said none of the units are right.

Yes I have said you are on the wrong track. You came closest when you speculated about the 50th U.S. But first let’s talk some more about my time in the west, the high point of my life before the crusade.

You were pretty opinionated, weren’t you; pretty downright and forceful. [This because I gave an uncharacteristically blunt and even harsh characterization of what the Civil War was about, to one of my very good friends who is an ex-reb.]

Went with being a New Englander. We weren’t much for sugar-coating. (more…)

[December 20, 2005] An odd thing is that Marching Through Georgia is insisting on mutating into a refrain of “..marching through – Boston.” What the hell? No reason I can think of, and certainly nothing I consciously intended. While we were marching through – Boston??

8 a.m. All right Joseph – Mr. Smallwood? – you’ve begun something of interest to a lot of people. I sure hope you’re there to continue! (more…)

In January 2006, while I was in the middle of receiving lots of information from the other side, several things happened that once again shook my confidence — for in this whole process, I have never been certain that I was right or even that I knew what I was doing. Much closer to say the opposite. (If you cannot stand ambiguity or uncertainty and if you cannot stand the feeling of being lost, exploring probably is not for you.)

Not only was I unable to obtain verification of Joseph Smallwood’s story as I went along, but when a friend asked me to obtain information from the other side, and I did, it turned out that what I had brought back was smoke. It didn’t match the case at all. Yet the information that I was bringing back — and promptly posting to a Monroe Institute group — was proving helpful to people. How could I sometimes be receiving information that was helpful and at other times receive information that was wrong? It never made sense to me. A little discussion with the guys upstairs shed light on the question. (more…)

[On Sunday, December 18, 2005, I wrote this: "Instead of addressing the guys in general, perhaps I'll try it this way: David, please put me into direct touch with Joseph Smallwood." That's all it took. (David, by the way, was a journalist whose life spanned about 30 years in the 19th and another 30 years in the 20th century. His is one of the oldest influences in my life, and one of the first that I investigated.) I don't know why so many years had to go by before thought of contacting Smallwood (or anybody) in this simple, straightforward way.

[The only additions I have made to this record -- which will extend a long way -- is that I have added titles such as "how I came to follow Lewis and Clark." As we go along, you will see me interacting with Joseph, and later with others. Bear in mind, this is something that you can do as well. Okay, on to Joseph's story.] (more…)

Marching Through Georgia

For some reason I went looking on the Internet to try to pin down Joseph Smallwood’s Civil War service in the Army, interrupting the work I thought I was doing. And one day I googled “Marching Through Georgia” lyrics and found a site that also played the tune. Neither tune nor words did I know. Why did I go looking for them? I found myself sitting at the computer singing the words, with tears in my eyes, not knowing why. (more…)

Taking stock of my experience of guidance over the years, I see that it has indeed been a long strange trip, as Michael Ventura says, quoting somebody.

First there were undoubted certainties that went unexamined. Why did the boy that I was “know” that he could fix his health through his mind alone? What gave him the irrational conviction — only half maintained, and that not by his conscious reasoning mind — that if he read the books in the right way the past would change? (more…)

Chasing Smallwood

When I took a trip to Gettysburg to validate Joseph’s story, I experienced strong feelings, and received messages from the other side. But – I could not and cannot find objective evidence of the man’s existence. In 15 years I have been unable to find it. What’s more, the only evidence I have found for any of the various “past lives” I have seemed to find has all been internal. Strong, meaningful, life transforming, but internal.

Am I being lied to? Did Joseph perhaps not exist? And if the famous men who supposedly talked to me said they knew Joseph, doesn’t that mean they too were illusion? And if the guys upstairs said so too, doesn’t this mean they are lying to me? Yet they have woven themselves into the fabric of my life. They’ve helped me do good. They’ve accompanied a lot of growth. Where am I? And now what do I do? I feel a little bit like Daniel Boone, who was asked in his old age if he had ever been lost in the woods. “No,” he said, “but I was confused for three days once.”

Let me explain.

(more…)